Every term, every label, every signal — explained plainly and without judgement.
From identity to kink, apps to sexual health, drag to drug culture — this covers the full language of this world.
No fluff, no moralizing. Just clear explanations so you know what's being said and what's going on.
Sexual orientation and identity
Gay — a man who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to other men
Bisexual (Bi) — attracted to both men and women, in varying degrees
Pansexual — attracted to people regardless of gender
Queer — umbrella term for non-heterosexual identity, sometimes used as a personal identifier
Curious — heterosexual-identifying but exploring attraction to men
Fluid — attraction that shifts over time or depending on circumstance
Heteroflexible — primarily straight but occasionally attracted to men
Homoflexible — primarily gay but occasionally attracted to women
Asexual — little or no sexual attraction, may still experience romantic attraction
Demisexual — only experiences sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond
Gender identity
Trans man — a person assigned female at birth who identifies as a man
Non-binary — identifies outside the male/female binary
Genderqueer — fluid or non-conforming gender identity
Genderfluid — gender identity shifts over time
Masc — masculine-presenting
Femme / Fem — feminine-presenting, can apply to any gender
Androgynous — presenting as neither clearly masculine nor feminine
Cisgender (Cis) — identifies with the gender assigned at birth
Presentation and type
Twink — young, slim, smooth, often feminine-presenting gay man
Twunk — between a twink and a hunk — young but muscular
Hunk — traditionally attractive, muscular, masculine
Otter — slim to average build, hairy
Bear — larger, heavier build, typically hairy and masculine
Cub — younger or smaller version of a bear
Wolf — lean, muscular, hairy, masculine
Chub — larger bodied gay man
Chaser — man attracted to a specific type, often used in bear or chub communities
Daddy — older man, often dominant or authoritative in dynamic
Pup — younger man, often submissive in dynamic
Jock — athletic build, sporty presentation
Butch — strongly masculine-presenting
Camp — openly and expressively feminine or theatrical
Straight-acting — gay or bi man who presents in a traditionally masculine way
Gym bunny — very focused on gym and physical appearance
Muscle Mary — gay man who is heavily into fitness and muscular
Circuit boy — gay man who attends large circuit parties and events
Clone — gay man who adopts a hyper-masculine aesthetic — moustache, jeans, boots
Trade — masculine, often straight-presenting man who has sex with men
Rough trade — working class or edgy version of trade
Sexual role
Top — takes the active/insertive role
Bottom — takes the receptive/passive role
Vers / Versatile — comfortable in both top and bottom roles
Vers top — primarily top but occasionally bottom
Vers bottom — primarily bottom but occasionally top
Side — gay man who doesn't engage in penetrative sex, prefers other forms of intimacy
Power bottom — bottom who takes an active, dominant role in the dynamic
Service top — top whose focus is on pleasuring the bottom
Relationship and lifestyle
Monogamous — committed to one partner exclusively
Open relationship — committed relationship where both partners can have other encounters
Polyamorous (Poly) — multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) — any consensual non-exclusive relationship structure
Throuple — three people in a committed relationship
Unicorn — third person who joins an existing couple
Relationship anarchy — rejects labels and hierarchies in relationships entirely
Nesting partner — primary partner you live with in a poly arrangement
Anchor partner — most significant partner in a poly arrangement
Compersion — joy felt from a partner's happiness with someone else
Friends with benefits (FWB) — friendship with a sexual component, no romantic commitment
Fuck buddy — purely sexual, no friendship or romantic element
NSA (No Strings Attached) — purely physical, no emotional involvement expected
Situationship — undefined romantic or sexual connection that isn't quite a relationship
Talking stage — early phase before anything is defined
Entanglement — complicated, undefined connection with emotional involvement
Casual — no commitment, no expectations
Discretion and privacy
Discreet — keeps their sexuality or activities private
DL (Down Low) — men, often straight-identifying, who have sex with men privately
Closeted — not out about their sexuality
Out — openly identifies as gay, bi, or queer
Outing — revealing someone else's sexuality without consent
Blank profile — profile with no photo
Faceless — profile without a face photo
Apps and online
Hosting — able to have someone come to your place
Travelling — willing to go to someone else's place
Looking — actively seeking something now
Not looking — on the app but not actively seeking
Networking — using the app for social rather than sexual connection
Masc4masc — masculine man seeking other masculine men
Pic4pic — exchanging photos before proceeding
Stats — physical details, typically height, weight, build, role
No pic no chat — won't engage without seeing a photo first
420 friendly — cannabis user or comfortable with cannabis use
Woof — Scruff's version of a like
Tribe — Scruff's self-identification categories — bear, daddy, jock etc
Married/partnered — in a relationship, may or may not be open
Catfish — someone using fake photos or a false identity
Ghosting — disappearing from a conversation without explanation
Orbiting — watching someone's social media after ending contact
Benching — keeping someone as a backup option without committing
Breadcrumbing — giving just enough attention to keep someone interested without any real intention
Love bombing — overwhelming someone with attention and affection early on
Gaslighting — making someone question their own perception of events
Gaydar — instinctive ability to identify other gay men
Sexual health
PrEP — medication taken by HIV negative men to prevent transmission
PEP — post-exposure prophylaxis, medication taken after potential HIV exposure
Doxy-PEP — antibiotic taken after exposure to reduce STI risk
Undetectable (U=U) — HIV positive but on treatment with an undetectable viral load, meaning untransmittable
Neg — HIV negative
Poz / Positive — HIV positive
Viral load — amount of HIV in the blood
Serosorting — choosing partners based on HIV status
Serodiscordant — partners with different HIV statuses
Barebacking (BB) — sex without a condom
Raw — unprotected sex
Clean — a commonly used but unhelpful term intended to mean STI-free. Testing status is more accurate, and having an STI does not make someone dirty.
Safe sex — using protection to reduce STI transmission
STI / STD — sexually transmitted infection / disease
Sexual health screening — regular testing for STIs
Drug culture
Amyl / Poppers — alkyl nitrite inhaled for a brief rush, commonly used during sex, widely used in the gay community to relax anus/throat
Rush — brand name for poppers, often used interchangeably with the term
Coke / Charlie — cocaine, sometimes used in social or sexual contexts
Pingers / MDMA / Ecstasy — commonly used on the scene and at parties
Ket / Ketamine — anaesthetic used recreationally, common on the scene
Weed / Cannabis — sometimes listed on profiles as 420 friendly
Sober / Straight edge — no drug use, sometimes listed on profiles as a preference
Drug-free — same as sober, listed to indicate preference for encounters without drug use
Kink and fetish
BDSM — bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism
Dom / Dominant — takes control in a dynamic
Sub / Submissive — yields control in a dynamic
Switch — comfortable in both dominant and submissive roles
Daddy/boy dynamic — older dominant and younger submissive pairing
Master/slave — extreme form of dominance and submission
Pup play — roleplay where one person takes on a dog-like persona
Fetish — specific object, body part, or situation that is sexually arousing
Kink — sexual interests outside conventional sex
Leather community — subculture focused on leather, BDSM, and kink
Rubber / Latex — fetish for rubber or latex clothing
Cruising — seeking casual sex in public or semi-public spaces
Cottaging — cruising in public bathrooms, specifically a UK term
Beat — Australian term for a cruising location
Glory hole — anonymous sexual contact through a hole in a partition
Drag and performance
Drag queen — typically male performer in feminine costume and persona
Drag king — typically female performer in masculine costume and persona
Fishy — drag slang for convincingly feminine presentation
Serving looks — presenting an impressive or striking appearance
Reading — playfully insulting someone, a drag tradition
Shade — subtle or indirect insult
Camp as a row of tents — extremely camp
Broader culture
Ally — non-LGBTQ+ person who supports the community
Chosen family — close friends who function as family, common in LGBTQ+ community
Coming out — disclosing sexuality or gender identity
Heteronormative — assumption that heterosexuality is the default
Homophobia — prejudice or discrimination against gay people
Internalised homophobia — self-directed shame about being gay or bi
Pink washing — companies using LGBTQ+ support for marketing without genuine commitment
Pride — celebration of LGBTQ+ identity and community
Rainbow flag — symbol of LGBTQ+ pride and diversity
Safe space — environment free from discrimination or judgment
Friend of Dorothy — old euphemism for a gay man