The Real Glossary

Bisexual (Bi) — attracted to both men and women, in varying degrees

Pansexual — attracted to people regardless of gender

Queer — umbrella term for non-heterosexual identity, sometimes used as a personal identifier

Curious — heterosexual-identifying but exploring attraction to men

Fluid — attraction that shifts over time or depending on circumstance

Heteroflexible — primarily straight but occasionally attracted to men

Homoflexible — primarily gay but occasionally attracted to women

Asexual — little or no sexual attraction, may still experience romantic attraction

Demisexual — only experiences sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond

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Gender identity

Trans man — a person assigned female at birth who identifies as a man

Non-binary — identifies outside the male/female binary

Genderqueer — fluid or non-conforming gender identity

Genderfluid — gender identity shifts over time

Masc — masculine-presenting

Femme / Fem — feminine-presenting, can apply to any gender

Androgynous — presenting as neither clearly masculine nor feminine

Cisgender (Cis) — identifies with the gender assigned at birth

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Presentation and type

Twink — young, slim, smooth, often feminine-presenting gay man

Twunk — between a twink and a hunk — young but muscular

Hunk — traditionally attractive, muscular, masculine

Otter — slim to average build, hairy

Bear — larger, heavier build, typically hairy and masculine

Cub — younger or smaller version of a bear

Wolf — lean, muscular, hairy, masculine

Chub — larger bodied gay man

Chaser — man attracted to a specific type, often used in bear or chub communities

Daddy — older man, often dominant or authoritative in dynamic

Pup — younger man, often submissive in dynamic

Jock — athletic build, sporty presentation

Butch — strongly masculine-presenting

Camp — openly and expressively feminine or theatrical

Straight-acting — gay or bi man who presents in a traditionally masculine way

Gym bunny — very focused on gym and physical appearance

Muscle Mary — gay man who is heavily into fitness and muscular

Circuit boy — gay man who attends large circuit parties and events

Clone — gay man who adopts a hyper-masculine aesthetic — moustache, jeans, boots

Trade — masculine, often straight-presenting man who has sex with men

Rough trade — working class or edgy version of trade

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Sexual role

Top — takes the active/insertive role

Bottom — takes the receptive/passive role

Vers / Versatile — comfortable in both top and bottom roles

Vers top — primarily top but occasionally bottom

Vers bottom — primarily bottom but occasionally top

Side — gay man who doesn't engage in penetrative sex, prefers other forms of intimacy

Power bottom — bottom who takes an active, dominant role in the dynamic

Service top — top whose focus is on pleasuring the bottom

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Relationship and lifestyle

Monogamous — committed to one partner exclusively

Open relationship — committed relationship where both partners can have other encounters

Polyamorous (Poly) — multiple consensual romantic or sexual relationships

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) — any consensual non-exclusive relationship structure

Throuple — three people in a committed relationship

Unicorn — third person who joins an existing couple

Relationship anarchy — rejects labels and hierarchies in relationships entirely

Nesting partner — primary partner you live with in a poly arrangement

Anchor partner — most significant partner in a poly arrangement

Compersion — joy felt from a partner's happiness with someone else

Friends with benefits (FWB) — friendship with a sexual component, no romantic commitment

Fuck buddy — purely sexual, no friendship or romantic element

NSA (No Strings Attached) — purely physical, no emotional involvement expected

Situationship — undefined romantic or sexual connection that isn't quite a relationship

Talking stage — early phase before anything is defined

Entanglement — complicated, undefined connection with emotional involvement

Casual — no commitment, no expectations

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Discretion and privacy

Discreet — keeps their sexuality or activities private

DL (Down Low) — men, often straight-identifying, who have sex with men privately

Closeted — not out about their sexuality

Out — openly identifies as gay, bi, or queer

Outing — revealing someone else's sexuality without consent

Blank profile — profile with no photo

Faceless — profile without a face photo

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Apps and online

Hosting — able to have someone come to your place

Travelling — willing to go to someone else's place

Looking — actively seeking something now

Not looking — on the app but not actively seeking

Networking — using the app for social rather than sexual connection

Masc4masc — masculine man seeking other masculine men

Pic4pic — exchanging photos before proceeding

Stats — physical details, typically height, weight, build, role

No pic no chat — won't engage without seeing a photo first

420 friendly — cannabis user or comfortable with cannabis use

Woof — Scruff's version of a like

Tribe — Scruff's self-identification categories — bear, daddy, jock etc

Married/partnered — in a relationship, may or may not be open

Catfish — someone using fake photos or a false identity

Ghosting — disappearing from a conversation without explanation

Orbiting — watching someone's social media after ending contact

Benching — keeping someone as a backup option without committing

Breadcrumbing — giving just enough attention to keep someone interested without any real intention

Love bombing — overwhelming someone with attention and affection early on

Gaslighting — making someone question their own perception of events

Gaydar — instinctive ability to identify other gay men

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Sexual health

PrEP — medication taken by HIV negative men to prevent transmission

PEP — post-exposure prophylaxis, medication taken after potential HIV exposure

Doxy-PEP — antibiotic taken after exposure to reduce STI risk

Undetectable (U=U) — HIV positive but on treatment with an undetectable viral load, meaning untransmittable

Neg — HIV negative

Poz / Positive — HIV positive

Viral load — amount of HIV in the blood

Serosorting — choosing partners based on HIV status

Serodiscordant — partners with different HIV statuses

Barebacking (BB) — sex without a condom

Raw — unprotected sex

Clean — informal term meaning STI-free.

Safe sex — using protection to reduce STI transmission

STI / STD — sexually transmitted infection / disease

Sexual health screening — regular testing for STIs

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Drug culture

Amyl / Poppers — alkyl nitrite inhaled for a brief rush, commonly used during sex, widely used in the gay community to relax anus/throat

Rush — brand name for poppers, often used interchangeably with the term

Coke / Charlie — cocaine, sometimes used in social or sexual contexts

Pingers / MDMA / Ecstasy — commonly used on the scene and at parties

Ket / Ketamine — anaesthetic used recreationally, common on the scene

Weed / Cannabis — sometimes listed on profiles as 420 friendly

Sober / Straight edge — no drug use, sometimes listed on profiles as a preference

Drug-free — same as sober, listed to indicate preference for encounters without drug use

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Kink and fetish

BDSM — bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism

Dom / Dominant — takes control in a dynamic

Sub / Submissive — yields control in a dynamic

Switch — comfortable in both dominant and submissive roles

Daddy/boy dynamic — older dominant and younger submissive pairing

Master/slave — extreme form of dominance and submission

Pup play — roleplay where one person takes on a dog-like persona

Fetish — specific object, body part, or situation that is sexually arousing

Kink — sexual interests outside conventional sex

Leather community — subculture focused on leather, BDSM, and kink

Rubber / Latex — fetish for rubber or latex clothing

Cruising — seeking casual sex in public or semi-public spaces

Cottaging — cruising in public bathrooms, specifically a UK term

Beat — Australian term for a cruising location

Glory hole — anonymous sexual contact through a hole in a partition

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Drag and performance

Drag queen — typically male performer in feminine costume and persona

Drag king — typically female performer in masculine costume and persona

Fishy — drag slang for convincingly feminine presentation

Serving looks — presenting an impressive or striking appearance

Reading — playfully insulting someone, a drag tradition

Shade — subtle or indirect insult

Camp as a row of tents — extremely camp

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Broader culture

Ally — non-LGBTQ+ person who supports the community

Chosen family — close friends who function as family, common in LGBTQ+ community

Coming out — disclosing sexuality or gender identity

Heteronormative — assumption that heterosexuality is the default

Homophobia — prejudice or discrimination against gay people

Internalised homophobia — self-directed shame about being gay or bi

Pink washing — companies using LGBTQ+ support for marketing without genuine commitment

Pride — celebration of LGBTQ+ identity and community

Rainbow flag — symbol of LGBTQ+ pride and diversity

Safe space — environment free from discrimination or judgment

Friend of Dorothy — old euphemism for a gay man

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