My Story (the Editor)

When I was younger, as a teenager, I had my first man-to-man experience with the next-door neighbour, who was my age.

Back then, you didn’t really understand what you were doing. There was no internet, no information — nothing explaining it. We just played around without really knowing what it all meant.

Unfortunately, we got caught by his older brother. That put the fear into us straight away. We lived in a small town, and his brother was quite mouthy. The worry was that it would spread around the whole town.

So, we stopped. And after that, it never happened again.

I went on and did what most people do. I got married young, but that didn’t last.

Later, I got married again and had two amazing daughters. I loved raising them — that was a big part of my life. Eventually, that relationship ended too, but we stayed close and raised the kids together. I had them on weekends as they grew up.

As they got older and moved on with their own lives, I started focusing on mine again.

I’d been in an on-and-off relationship with a woman for over 10 years. I wasn’t really happy, but we stayed together for a long time. Eventually, we called it quits, but we continued living together to help raise her granddaughter, who had been with us since she was two.

I stayed on for a couple more years after we split. Partly to help financially, but also to be a male role model to her granddaughter.

During that time, we were living in separate bedrooms, and nothing was happening between us. That’s when I decided to start dating again.

I got on Tinder and gave it a proper go. Over about five or six months, I swiped through more than 3,000 women. I tried different bios, different approaches — everything.

I didn’t even get one coffee.

I nearly had one date, but I got sick and had to cancel. After that, she disappeared. Ghosted.

So, after all that effort, I had no success at all with women.

But the whole time, ever since that first experience when I was younger, I’d always had an attraction to men in the background. It never really went away.

So, when Tinder failed, I decided to try Grindr.

I logged on… and honestly, I was both shocked and excited at the same time.

Within 30 minutes, I had my first real man-to-man experience.

That was two years ago.

At the beginning, it was actually really hard to hide what I was doing.

Even though I was single, I was still living with my ex, and the fear of getting caught was very real.

I also worried about how she would react — and to be honest, I didn’t think it would be good. It felt like it could turn into a “woman scorned” situation. She’s quite homophobic, and also still in love with me, so I knew this wasn’t something she would handle well.

So, for quite a while, I was living a double life in my own home — a place that’s supposed to feel like a refuge.

Since then, I’ve been exploring this world — everything that comes with it.

The apps.
The behaviours.
The patterns.
The situations.

Everything you see on this website is stuff I’ve been through and had to figure out myself.

That’s what led me to create this site.

I wanted to put everything in one place — so someone starting out doesn’t have to go through the same confusion, the same trial and error, and the same mistakes.

If this helps someone understand things quicker, and avoid some of that, then it’s done its job.

Right now, I’m single and just enjoying exploring.

I go to men’s clubs at least once a week, and the rest of my encounters are through Grindr. I’ve experienced a range of different situations, met a lot of people, and I’m still working things out as I go.

I haven’t put a label on myself. If I had to, I’d probably say bi — but I’m not set on that. I haven’t been with a woman for a while, but I wouldn’t rule it out either.

I’ve met one really good mate through all this, and a lot of other people along the way.

My family and friends have no idea — except one.

I’ve only come out to one person — my best mate and flatmate. He was completely floored and said he never would have guessed it in a million years. He actually said I’d be the last guy he thought was gay.

But he’s been very accepting, understanding, and genuinely inquisitive — even though it’s not his thing.

I know that if I come out to my family, it’s going to cause a lot of grief with my parents and sisters. Because of their religious beliefs, I believe there’s a real chance I’d be disowned.

So, for now, I’m keeping it to myself and working through that process in my own time.

At this stage, I feel like it’s no one’s business but mine.

I don’t see myself coming out to anyone else in the near future. But at the same time, if someone asked me directly, I wouldn’t lie — I’d answer honestly.

At the moment, I’m also dealing with some erection disorder issues since an accident and working through that. I've just been to the urologist and have been given a prescription for the injections to try, which I know work, so hopefully that helps and opens up a few more doors in terms of my experience in this space.

For now, I’m just continuing to explore, understand it more, and figure out where I sit in it all.

I’m content and happy with where I am right now — not forcing anything, just letting it unfold.

The things I’ve learned, are this:

• Take your time going through the journey, explore and work out what you like and what you’re into.
• Don’t be in a rush to label it.
• This is your business — no one else’s. You’ll feel comfortable telling people when you’re ready… if you ever are. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just not something you owe anyone.
• And when you’re still figuring it out yourself, how can you explain it to someone else anyway?

So don’t rush it. Enjoy the process. Enjoy the moments. Don’t dwell on the negative. Don’t beat yourself up.

And don’t think there’s anything wrong with any of it. Just be you — have fun and enjoy.

This is my story. Others will be different — but just as real.